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Author: Guitarguy Subject: Finding the right person after divorce!?
lonesomerabbit
Member


Posts: 3
Registered: 06-15-2020
Location: Clovis, CA

posted on 09-22-2020 at 16:07 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Finding the right person after divorce

Your post was really touching, so much soul searching and overcoming. Too bad kids can't divorce from unfit parents, which is what you describe about your mother. Mine was a good mother, but I've had two close friends who over time described their mothers/fathers and gave me a view of what terrible parenting can do to a child. In both cases, the traumas of their early years had long-lasting effects on their lives, well into adulthood.

I will pass along a perspective that both of my friends eventually accepted. Don't heap the garbage from individual persons onto other people just because of a criteria. For instance, we cannot apply the hurt from our parents onto people who are not those parents. To do so is a defense mechanism, and it doesn't serve anyone well. We should avoid seeing new acquaintances as being like past ones who did us wrong. In other words, don't carry old baggage into new relationships. Leave it in the past so you can open up new relationships in a clean fashion.

Divorce is a legal action, not a social one. Social breaks are harder because they carry feelings. But divorce can be a freeing thing, a boulder off your shoulder. To divorce ourselves from past relationships that failed or where just generally painful, we need to find relationships that bring us love and friendship/companionship. That means we have to advance through the day with a willingness to trust people, at least until they show us not to trust.

Every person is unique, as is every relationship. Don't be afraid to hope for love and happiness. I've learned that we get what we give attention to. If you expect pain, it will come. But so too will happiness if we tune our attention in the direction of happiness. It is a stronger position to continue to hope when so much from our past tries to dictate that hope is lost.

Be courageous.

Good luck.
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Guitarguy
Member


Posts: 1
Registered: 08-26-2020
Location:

posted on 09-22-2020 at 20:33 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Thanks

Thank you my friend,

I have been en in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman for almost a year and a half. We don't know if we will ever get married. Not sure we care to do that ever again. That said, we are committed to each other and love our time together. She was married to a man who was pretty nasty to her. It's good I can give her love and be there for her.

I am also in therapy to deal with the damage and trauma I suffered as a child. EMDR has been so beneficial for rewiring my brain. It's amazing what EMDR has done to undo some of that limbic system damage.

Thanks again! I appreciate the kind words and thoughts.
Rich
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By Guitarguy (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member
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