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Author: amyz Subject: How to Stop Divorce
badeth
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Posts: 1
Registered: 08-13-2009
Location:

posted on 08-13-2009 at 01:36 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
How to Stop Divorce

So your spouse has deserted you and now demands divorce. Divorce suddenly comes despite the long marriage, despite the kids, and despite your efforts.

Some of us are keen on getting back our spouse, but as far as stopping your divorce is concerned, we are clueless as to where to begin and how to go about the whole exercise.

Let's keep this thread open to everyone who is still hoping to reunite his family.
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MasonBurkhalter
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Posts: 15
Registered: 08-20-2009
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posted on 09-21-2009 at 16:35 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
ummm

I'm sorry but if your spouse has abandoned you and now is forcing divorce why would you even want to try and keep things together? Its obvious at that point that your spouse is pretty serious. I personally would drop them like a pot of boiling hot water and look elsewhere for a better person. I think its really sad how many people just let themselves be walked on by their spouse. Think about it. A good relationship works both ways, if your spouse is forcing divorce I say sign the fuckin papers and say good riddence.
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belljar28
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Registered: 09-23-2009
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posted on 09-25-2009 at 10:03 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
I agree with Masonburkhalter

Yeah I'm with masonburkhalter on this one. Trying to work it out in a perfect world would be a good idea. In my opinion if your spouse is forcing divorce on you then you at the point of no return. Why would you want to continue to try and stay with someone who is dedicating themselves to divorcing you? It may seem like there is still some hope! I guess if your spouse is forcing divorce to let you know they are serious about you changing your ways than thats one thing, but I think we all know that typically isn't the case. When you get to the point where you are begging for your marriage from a person who obviously doesn't want to be with you anymore you just lose more and more respect from them. I handled my divorce pretty well in my opinion. I didn't want it, and was extremely upset when I found out my wife wanted to leave me. Not to mention the suprise I faced when I was served the divorce papers. She was supposedly "Away on a business trip" when I got them and I was overwrought with sorrow. Instead of sitting there and trying to contemplate what it was I was going to do to salvage our marriage I came to terms with the situation. We weren't having sex anymore, she didn't seem interested in me or that she even loved me anymore, we barely spoke to eachother, we fought all the time. I then realized that we both weren't happy and honestly I also felt like if thats what she wanted then fine. I can tell you that just signing the papers and projecting an attitude of "I just want you to be happy" towards my ex was the best possible way I could have handled it. She didn't screw me over by any means and we still talk from time to time. I truly believe that groveling will only make things worse and you will lose what little respect your spouse has for you by doing it.
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curlygurly017
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Registered: 10-01-2009
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posted on 10-01-2009 at 14:01 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
In my opinion

I think its very important to try your hardest to keep the divorce from happening if you aren't in an abusive relationship. Try and ask yourself why your fighting all the time and why divorce is even being brought up. Its all about properly communicating your problems and trying to find a solution, I disagree with the last two posts. It is important that you realize divorce should be a very last option for you.
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Link_29
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Posts: 39
Registered: 01-08-2010
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posted on 01-11-2010 at 11:13 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
get out of there

I understand where you are coming from curly, but i must agree with the two posts before yours. If someone does not desire to be with you, it's just time to say goodbye.

Successfully saving a marriage relies on one thing: a desire to save the relationship. If both spouses are not fully committed to saving their relationship, the marriage has very little chance. The desire to save the relationship brings patience, understanding, a willingness to change etc. that will not exist if both spouses are not interested in saving the relationship.

Plus, it just doesn't make sense. Why would you waste the precious few years you have on earth chasing somebody who doesn't even want to be around you?

Obviously if you are fighting with your spouse and they blurt out that they don't care about your relationship, its different than your spouse repating it day after day. If you are totally sure that they do not care about saving your relationship, just leave and make yourself happy elsewhere.
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Arcebee
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Registered: 06-08-2010
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posted on 06-08-2010 at 10:07 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Try moving on...

I am going to divorce mediation this Thursday and last night me and my soon to be ex-wife went through the paperwork of all the stuff we needed for the mediation. At least we agreed on how we were going to split things and we agreed on 50/50 custody of our 4 year old son.

Yesterday was 1 month to the day that I caught my wife having an internet affair with a guy she cheated on me with when we were dating. She then decided she did not want to fix our marriage and wanted out after almost 13 years. Unsurprisingly I am still in shock about this whole thing. My wife lost her mom almost a year ago and is currently under going a textbook mid-life crisis.

I like many of you have thought about reconciling (hell, I know that if she asked me back right now, I'd run to her in a heartbeat), but the fact of the matter is how can you stay married with someone who does not want to be with you anymore. I have been trying to force my wife to take me back even telling her that I fully forgive her infidelity, but in reality...I have not forgiven her. I hate what she did and what she is doing to our family. I hate her selfishness. I hate how she does not care about what this is doing to our little boy. I know if we got back together at this point and time, it will not be a good thing. the thoughts of what she did still haunts me. Every time she goes on the computer or checks her phone for a text, I wonder who she's talking too and why. I trust her as far as I can throw her and that's it.

I know it's hard to let go....but we have to let go. In reality, the person we are with now is not the same person that we married.
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Link_29
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posted on 06-08-2010 at 11:40 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
You seem very aware....

Although you are obviously having a rough time with your situation, at least you can take comfort in the fact that you are aware of what is happening. You seem to be in touch with your feelings about her actions...even though you may have said you have forgiven her, you know in your heart that the problem is deeper than just the online relationship and that you wouldn't be happy together knowing that.

Your wife, on the other hand, does not seem to be in touch with her emotions. She was willing to stay in a marriage that she was obviously not happy with, and that just goes to show how insecure and detatched she seems to be.

It was a good call to hire a mediator because it seems like you are both very emotional. That will make it easier to make sure you guys are each being fairly treated throughout the proceedings and negotiations. It is also a good idea to split the custody so that you both continue to build strong bonds with your children.

You seem to be approaching this difficult situation well...If your wife is not interested in working to repair the relationship, you deserve to be with someone who WANTS to be with you!

Good luck!
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ShaneJimison
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posted on 12-27-2011 at 03:09 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Try some Yoga or meditation this will help

-
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amyz
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Registered: 02-09-2012
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posted on 02-09-2012 at 17:10 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
What happened to for better or for worse?

I think everyone has made valid points.. Bottom line, it sucks. The worst feeling in the world is rejection. For someone that you have loved, laughed with, bonded with, shared a life with..to say nope, I'm done.. Will bring you to the depths of despair.
We all have are different and unique ways of coping.. So you can't cookie cut how someone is going to respond or feel..
I believe it comes down to fixing you.. You are the only one you can control. So do whatever it takes to fix you, your heart, your self confidence.. One of two things will happen if you fix you. You will 1, get your ex back if you want them back or 2, attract the person of your dreams.. People naturally are just attracted to confident people period.
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