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fllv1985
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Registered: 10-06-2009
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posted on 10-06-2009 at 16:05 |
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When my parents divorced...
When I was in third grade my parents got a divorce. I’m 24 years old now and married but me and wife are having problems. My parents were extremely loud when they fought I remember that. They were always screaming at eachother and slamming doors and stuff like that. I remember when they got a divorce I thought it was my fault because I wanted to read a scary book. I asked my mom and she said no, so I asked my dad and he said yes. A simple tactic used by many kids yes but this caused a huge fight between them and the next thing I knew my dad left. I thought it was my fault and was never told on the contrary but never vocalized this opinion. After a while I stopped thinking that way but I developed some distaste for my mother because of it. She would always try and convince me and my sisters of how wrongly my dad treated her and my dad never said anything about her although it was apparent that he wasn’t very fond of her anymore at all. Over the years I grew to resent my mom and love my dad more because he was passive and she was vocal. She would always say things like “I have never tried to turn you against your father.” Right after she would blatently bad mouth him in front of me and my sisters. I really think that because she involved me in so many of her personal problems with him I became very resentful of her because of the way that he acted on the contrary of what she would say. I formulated my opinions of them based on actions and not words. My dad always treated us right and was very loving. He would take us hiking and cook really good food, rent movies and play board games with us when we would visit him and the whole situation took on this toll of when we go to dad’s house its fun time. Mom’s house was where all the drama and punishment occurred. We only saw my dad biweekly. Its because of all of these things that my mom and me ended up not speaking for a long while. I know she didn’t mean to do anything wrong but its obvious to me now that the way she acted directly affected how my view of her and my dad came to be. I think this should be good advice to anyone who has kids and is getting a divorce. Keep your kids out of your problems completely. If my mom didn’t badmouth my dad all the time and if I were to have seen my dad and my mom equally I think I would have had a lot less problems growing up then what I did.
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new_slang
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Registered: 01-04-2010
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posted on 01-04-2010 at 15:20 |
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thanks!
Thanks for sharing your story fllv1985, it's sad to read but also uplifting because you are fully aware of what happened to you mentally.
It is very true that the actions of parents during a divorce will affect their children accordingly, and this story is an obvious example. Because your parents did not communicate enough with you, because they didn't make it clear that their separation was not your fault, you took the blame on to yourself. This often happens because children have no other way of explaining what is happening.
I am learning that communication is the key in divorce. If clear communication is not happening between parents and children, those children will probably have a touger time getting past the divorce in a healthy way.
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XO_stepdad
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Registered: 01-06-2010
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posted on 01-06-2010 at 16:39 |
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Avoid spoiling
thanks for the story that puts it in perspective for me for sure. i have been reading a lot of stuff online and it all seems to all point to the same things like communication and honesty but i am still worried
when i am with my daughter, all i want to do is spoil her. I see her and care so much for her that i just don't care about anythying but making her feel happy and smile. i dont think she just thinks of me as the fun parent, but i really wouldnt know either way i guess. then i read all these articles about how dangerous it is to do that kind of stuff, like im trying to make her like me more than her mother. i just don't understand! what is too much? waht is too little? How do i know when im going to far or giving to much?
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mirandacruz
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Registered: 06-25-2010
Location: Canada
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posted on 06-27-2010 at 10:18 |
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Divorce
When my parents split before. I didn't feel anything. At that time, I was thinking that maybe they should just part ways. They're better off separated.
They bicker most of the time. They throw insults towards each other.
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GolfingLife
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Registered: 04-26-2010
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posted on 08-19-2010 at 11:25 |
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what happened then
You said you did not feel much when your parents divorced, in fact you thought that it would probably be a good thing for them.
Did you also think it would be the best thing for you? Now that time has passed, do you think it was?
How did your parents treat you once they were divorced? Did they try to spoil you or grasp for your attention?
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