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Author: oboman Subject: What do I do?
XO_stepdad
Member


Posts: 28
Registered: 01-06-2010
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posted on 02-22-2010 at 11:15 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Sorry to hear it.....

that is an unfortunate story and im sorry to hear about it. You said that you got a divorce because you had met someone knew and wanted to explore a relationship with them. Now that relationship didn't work out, so you are wanting to return to your ex husband. This is completely understandable, but not necessarily the most sound logic. You should try and separate yourself from your emotions for a moment and ask yourself some difficult questions. The most important thing you need to figure out, it seems, is why you left your husband for this new man in the first place. What was your marriage lacking? Why didn't your original husband satisfy you enough? How/when/why did it get to the point where you were thinking about other men that way?

You said this new man was a psychologist and picked up on the problems in your existing marriage - what were they? Does it really make sense to be chasing after your ex husband when it really wasn't working out in the first place?I have said this to a lot of different people in my life, but it seems like the best thing to do right now is spend time focusing on yourself. There is no need to rush into a relationship. First, you should figure out A)How you have changed as a person and B)What it is you actually want in a partner now that you know more about yourself.

If you find that your ex husband is the only man on the planet for you, then you need to just be patient. You seriously hurt him and he may never be able to trust or forgive you again. That possibility is something you must accept. If there is a possibility that he will forgive you someday, it will definitely take a lot of time. Give him space and time to figure things out and let him realize, on his own, whether or not he feels that he still belongs with you. It will be difficult but you need to let time do its work.
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Link_29
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Posts: 39
Registered: 01-08-2010
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posted on 03-18-2010 at 13:54 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
self awareness

divorcemistake, you said you never stopped loving him...but if that is fully true, how could you leave him? I am sure you don't want to hear that now, but i am just making the point that maybe you cared for him but were no longer in love. On the other hand, any long-term relationship that lasts will be challenged by the issues you were dealing with. You might night feel in love like years ago, but the love you have is deeper and stronger. Next time, whether it is with your ex or someone new, make sure you are aware of what you really have and how you might be able to work on the issues you are dealing with instead of entering a new relatinoship.



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oboman
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Posts: 2
Registered: 06-12-2010
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posted on 06-12-2010 at 00:43 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Move on

My advice, though I'm not an adviser, is move on. No need to get back to your ex. Learn from your mistake. Soon he'll get over you. And soon you'll get over him. Don't let guilt keep you back.

Why move on? Because your first husband wouldn't love you the same way, even if you ask for forgiveness. He probably disrespect you, and though you say you respect each other, it is only on the surface. No man would give you a chance and still keep respects himself. If he ever give you a chance for whatever reason, it will only last for a short time. It's a good thing that you learn your mistake. You are already a better person, but the better you is for your future love to appreciate and benefit from. The old one will continue to bear the pain. So, do him a favor. Let him be free, so he can move on.

Both of you, move on. I hope you don't have children to gether.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By oboman (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member
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