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Author: ShaneJimison Subject: I need some serious help
Sadandlonely
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Registered: 10-02-2009
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posted on 10-02-2009 at 10:35 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
I need some serious help

My husband and I are not getting along at all. We have been sleeping separately for about six months now and yet have still not even discussed divorce. We practically never talk anymore at all, we take turns sleeping on the couch and every time I ask him anything or try to talk to him he gives me a very short reply and then leaves the room. It’s awful. I have tried numerous times to address the problems we are having in our marriage and he seems uninterested in coming to any conclusions. He seems pretty much content with this extremely dysfunctional lifestyle we have created. I’m not perfect but I am trying to make things work and he just doesn’t seem to care at all. I don’t think he is cheating on me because he never goes out, doesn’t have any friends, and always like clockwork leaves and comes home at the same time. He stays home on the weekend and fixes things around the house, mows the lawn, all of the usual things that men do I guess. He is just not the person I used to know. He doesn’t talk, he seems depressed, he has become a complete shell. I am seriously concerned that I did this to him but I don’t see what I can do because he won’t let me in. He used to be really charismatic and charming, very sociable, and he had a lot of friends when we first dated and got married. We used to have sex every night and now he won't even look at me. I don’t know what is happening. I guess I’m just venting but should I divorce him? What should be done to fix this relationship? I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m going crazy with resentment, insecurity and anxiety.

Please help!
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Justdivorced1
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posted on 10-02-2009 at 11:01 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
man o' man

I'm really sorry about what you are going through. I would suggest marriage counciling and if he still is unresponsive or says no then maybe divorce is your only other option. It sounds like he is really depressed and is showing obvious signs. Don't automatically assume its your fault completely until you have had counciling and can determine what is the cause of his actions.

Hope this helps!
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XO_stepdad
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posted on 02-22-2010 at 13:52 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
confrontation

I think you need to try harder to confront this problem. You said:

"I have tried numerous times to address the problems we are having in our marriage and he seems uninterested in coming to any conclusions. He seems pretty much content with this extremely dysfunctional lifestyle we have created. I’m not perfect but I am trying to make things work and he just doesn’t seem to care at all. "

If you are already thinking about getting a divorce, you need to tell him that. you need to confront him and let him know that if he does not wish to make any effort to fix the relationship, as you are, than the relationship will end. You are right in saying that it is dysfunctional. I would not say to jump right into couples counceling--if he doesn't care about saving the relationship, couples counceling would be pointless. If you find out that he will make an effort, then consider it. Also research the things you both can do personally to help adjust your situation.
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mattzem
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posted on 02-23-2010 at 23:16 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Just ask

Ask him about getting a divorce, he probally wants one but is to scared to ask or fears life after a divorce. You just described me excatly in my marrige. I checked out of our relationship long before we got a divorce, I completely ignored her, avioded long conversations, and prefered to be alone all the time. I avoided having sex with her, we would go sometimes 2-3 months without any itimate exchange. During our marrige i lost contact with all my freinds and family and basically became an anti social hermit. My wife finally gave me an ultimatium, get better or she wanted a divorce. In my peticular situation I was shutting myself off to protect myself from my wife breaking my heart which she did like clockwork every so often. When she offered a divorce I jumped at the chance, being to scared and cowardly to force the issue on my own without her on board.
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Link_29
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posted on 03-18-2010 at 13:32 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
good point

that is a great point mattzem, it does not make sense for people to continue a relationship when one or both of them have already checked out and don't really care about the other person. They are just wasting time that they might be able to spend with someone new who is more compatible. I understand that a lot of people end up in relationships that are hard to get out of because they have been together so long, but somewhere along the line someone needs to step up and face their emotions.
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melchi656
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posted on 01-18-2011 at 10:23 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Free Divorce Information

I totally agree with mattzem. Usually, men are afraid to voice out their true feelings. So, I would say that you should better put more effort in asking him the cause of his depression. It is possible that he is just waiting for you to offer a divorce. All I could ever say is just but for you to exert more effort into fixing your relationship.
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nicperry11
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posted on 05-30-2011 at 04:01 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Divorce

I guess you will need to divorce. There is no way that you are still continuing your relationship even if everything falls apart.
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bexi
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posted on 09-15-2011 at 06:05 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
?divorce

I read your post and thought how very sad.

Both of you are obviously deeply unhappy and your life together (if I can call it that) appears to be bland and routine , a joyless individual existence.

I feel very sorry for you both.

He is , by the sounds of it, quite clearly depressed. Whether it is to due with work, money or with your relationship, i can't tell.

You say he is not having an affair.

Are you sure? This type of emotional and physical distance usually means that there is (or he hopes there will be) someone else involved.

People do get into a rut and withdraw from the outside world.

You need to talk to him find out gently what he is feeling . And keep talking to him.

You need to know if he feels either yourself or himself is to blame for this situation.

You need some answers.

Only he can provide them.

This type of existing together is awful. i know because I have been through it.

It completely drains the life out of you and knocks your confidence.

You need to look after yourself, honey.

Maybe you will divorce. Or maybe you can work together on your relationship.

I wish you luck xxx
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ShaneJimison
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posted on 12-27-2011 at 03:07 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
discuss your problem with each other

If you are not comfortable with your husband, discuss your problem with each other. Silence is not a solution. May be after some time your problem get solve try to go long with your relationship .If then you are not satisfy then apply in court for divorce.
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