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Author: Link_29 Subject: coping with new family
Jenifer Pamula
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Posts: 1
Registered: 03-09-2004
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posted on 03-09-2004 at 21:32 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
coping with new family

I am in the middle of a devorice and it has been very hard. Both my kids don't know why daddy is leaving and I don't know how to tell them. I have this new boyfriend named marius and I love him alot. I let him move into my place and my kids are freaking out. They don't like him because he is not dad. I want to marry him soon. Could someone help me explain to my kids its going to be alright?
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cyn_j
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Registered: 03-23-2005
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posted on 03-23-2005 at 17:14 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator


Hi Jenifer,

It looks like this forum is pretty inactive but I will share my experience and ask you some questions.

I am also in the middle of a divorce and have been separated for 2 months.

I left my husband for my boyfriend, and I am living with my bf now. We are expecting a baby in late Sept/early Oct.

My husband and I have 2 kids, a girl (8) and a boy (6). The kids are still at home with their daddy.

I had to tell my kids that mom and dad can't live together anymore because mom has a new man. Both of my kids are sad to see this happen, as you might expect, but reality is starting to sink in. They visited me last weekend at my boyfriend's house. My son and my boyfriend get along well, but I still think my son thinks that it is temporary and that I might come back. My daughter has been quiet and has had little to do with my boyfriend. This makes me sad, but it is what it is. My husband and I have started them into family counseling to deal with this.

I am waiting until the shock wears off to give them the news that my bf and I are having a baby.

I don't know that anything can convince your kids that things will be all right, except with time and with family counseling. This has been my experience so far, but I am very new to it as well.

How old are your kids? Why is their daddy leaving anyway? Does your boyfriend get along with the kids at all, and does he pay much attention?

Good luck and hang in there,

Cyn
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miki
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Posts: 1
Registered: 02-27-2006
Location: www.cafe-dating.com

posted on 02-27-2006 at 06:27 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
hi

I agree
bu did you see www.cafe-dating.com?
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MasonBurkhalter
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Registered: 08-20-2009
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posted on 09-30-2009 at 15:49 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
you people

sound seriously F*cked up by what your saying. Disfunctional is the name of the game in these two main posts. I think shoving a new relationship in your kids faces that quickly is a horrible idea and most likely your kids are going to end up completely disfunctional like the both of you really seem to be.
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Link_29
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Registered: 01-08-2010
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posted on 03-18-2010 at 13:45 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
seriously

although he has said some crazy things in the past, I agree with MasonBurkhalter here...forcing your kids to get to know a new boyfriend while they are still just getting over the shock of their parents' divorce is not a good idea. This will make it harder for the kids to even understand what is going on, of course depending on their age. It can also make younger kids feel like their mother or father is being replaced. I have read that it helps to slowly introduce the new man or woman in bits and pieces, here and there. Go meet at the movies or have a picnic one day so they can get to know this new person in a safe environment. Plus it's not a good idea to invite someone into your home with your children when you haven't known them for very long.

JeniferPamula, it doesn't seem like a great idea to be allowing this person to live in your home with your kids already. How long have you known him? Are you sure he is a safe person and isn't hiding anything? A major mistake people seem to make is jumping into one relationship just because another one fails. They think it is love but it is just displaced emotions. You need to be honest with your kids and honest with yourself. If you really feel that your new boyfriend is someone you want to continue a relationship with, you should sit down with your kids and respect them enough to just explain what is happening. Just make sure you let them know over and over that this person is not replacing their father.

I noticed these articles here, they might help out:
http://www.1st-divorce.com/divorce/help-kids-with-divorce.html
http://www.1st-divorce.com/divorce/tell-kids-about-divorce.html
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perthelizabeth
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Registered: 07-27-2010
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posted on 07-29-2010 at 09:09 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
hi

How long have you known him? Are you sure he is a safe person and isn't hiding anything?



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Link_29
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Posts: 39
Registered: 01-08-2010
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posted on 02-14-2011 at 11:05 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
thats a good question

That was the first thing I started thinking about - are you sure you can trust this person? how long have you known him?
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